Couples in Therapy
Why Couples Seek Therapy: 5 Common Issues and How Therapy Helps
Relationships are a big part of life, but they’re not always easy. For many couples, challenges pile up, turning small frustrations into big problems. Couples therapy is a place to tackle these issues head-on, and it’s more common than you might think. Below, we dive into five common reasons couples seek therapy—household roles and tasks, finances, sex, parenting, and in-laws—and explore why these issues arise and how therapy can help.
1. Household Roles and Tasks: Who’s Doing the Dishes?
Dividing up chores like cooking, cleaning, or yard work can spark tension in even the happiest homes. One partner might feel like they’re carrying the load, while the other thinks they’re doing plenty. These fights aren’t just about dirty dishes—they’re about feeling valued and respected.
Why it happens: Life is hectic. Between jobs, kids, and daily demands, couples often fall into uneven roles without meaning to. A 2023 study found 60% of U.S. couples argue about household tasks at least occasionally. Gender norms, like expecting women to handle more housework, or differing standards (one’s more cleanliness oriented, the other’s laid-back) can fuel the fire.
How therapy helps: Therapists help couples map out who does what and why it matters. They might use tools like a “The Fair Play Deck” to divide tasks fairly or guide discussions to uncover hidden resentments (like feeling unappreciated). Therapy teaches couples to talk about chores without blame, focusing on teamwork.
2. Finances: When Money Talks Turn into Fights
Money is a top stressor for American couples. Whether it’s clashing over budgets, secret spending, or debt, financial disagreements can feel like a personal attack. Couples often seek therapy when money fights start driving a wedge between them.
Why it happens: Money isn’t just cash—it’s tied to security, values, and control. One partner might be a saver, the other a spender. Job loss, inflation, or unexpected bills (like medical costs) can make things worse. A 2024 survey showed 40% of couples argue about finances monthly, especially in today’s economy.
How therapy helps: Therapists dig into each partner’s “money story”—how their upbringing shapes their habits. They guide couples to create shared financial goals, like a budget or debt repayment plan, and teach non-judgmental communication. Therapy can also balance power dynamics, ensuring both partners have a say.
3. Sex: Rekindling Intimacy in the Bedroom
Intimacy issues, especially around sex, are a big reason couples turn to therapy. Whether it’s mismatched libidos, a lack of physical connection, feeling emotionally distant, differing preferences or desires for sex, or an affair, struggles in the bedroom can leave partners feeling rejected or unloved.
Why it happens: Stress is a major passion-killer. Long work hours, parenting, or health issues can zap energy for sex. Unresolved conflicts or past traumas can also make intimacy feel unsafe. There may also be medical conditions that have affected sex. Other couples struggle with sex related to their values about having kids. For some, the routine of daily life dims the spark, the couple can tend to drift, making regular sex challenging.
How therapy helps: Therapists help couples pinpoint what’s blocking intimacy, like stress or unspoken needs. The therapist can also help the couple talk about the challenges with sex and develop a shared understanding of what might help to improve their sex life.
4. Parenting: When Kids Create Conflict
Raising kids is a joy, but it’s also a pressure cooker. Disagreements over discipline, screen time, or who’s handling school runs can strain a relationship. Couples often seek therapy when parenting differences make them feel like they’re on opposite teams.
Why it happens: Parenting styles often come from how you were raised, and clashing approaches (strict vs. relaxed) cause friction. Sleep deprivation, time crunches, or the stress of “doing it right” amplify small disputes. Blended families or step-parenting can add extra challenges.
How therapy helps: Therapists help couples align on parenting goals and present a united front. They teach compromise and strategies to discuss tense issues around parenting without getting into a fight. Therapy also reminds couples to nurture their relationship beyond being parents.
5. In-Laws: Navigating Family
In-laws can be a blessing or a battleground. Whether it’s over-involved parents, boundary-crossing siblings, or differing family traditions, in-law issues can put serious strain on a couple. Therapy often helps when one partner feels caught between their spouse and their family.
Why it happens: In-laws bring different values, expectations, or cultural norms into the mix. One partner might feel their in-laws overstep (like giving unsolicited parenting advice), while the other feels torn. Holidays, like Thanksgiving or Christmas, can amplify tensions, especially if families live nearby or expect frequent visits.
How therapy helps: Therapists guide couples to set clear boundaries with in-laws, like agreeing on how often to visit or what topics are off-limits. They help partners prioritize their relationship and communicate as a team. The couple first needs to talk about their values in regard to their extended family, and then develop a plan to engage extended family while not being overwhelmed by them.
Why Therapy Works—and How to Start
These issues—household duties, money, sex, parenting, and in-laws—are common because relationships are complex. Couples therapy isn’t about pointing fingers; it’s about building a stronger team. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy says over 75% of couples see improvement after therapy. It’s like taking your relationship to the gym—hard work, but worth it.
Therapy offers:
A neutral space: A therapist listens without taking sides.
Practical tools: From specific tasks to budgeting apps, you get strategies that stick.
Hope: Small wins, like a calm talk about money, rebuild your connection.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes and not a substitute for professional therapy. Consult a licensed therapist for personalized advice.